Hi ladies! Today was a long day of training..too long I thought it would never end, especially since my feet were melting with my boots, I came home running to change my shoes. It's a beautiful sunny day outside.
Ever since January I've been trying to clean up my closet, getting rid of stuff that I never wore or that didn't fit well. It's been a slow process, a painful one too. My closet was a daily reminder of the money I had wasted buying tons of clothes, I refused to accept that I had a problem with shopping, I would say it, but I denied it in my heart (you know how it goes, it's easier said than done). If there's anyone out there that can admit he/she made a mistake without hurting the pride he/she has all my admiration, for me it isn't that easy. Facing the fact that I've bought things out of impulse hurts the pride.

I went on shopping bans, on budget plans (which I still kind of follow) and nothing has really worked. I shop because it gives me the high of finding a great deal, I shop when I'm stressed, when I'm PMSing, or when loneliness is too much to bear. I shop after a good cry or after having no nails left to bite. I shop after I see myself in the mirror (after a shower). Yes ladies, I'm an impulsive shopper. I started shopping compulsively in my late teens when I first got a job. There were times in my life when I stopped shopping during those times I was living in Mexico where consumerism is not as bad, in fact when I lived in Mexico I lived a simple life, shared a small closet with my sister and had only 4 pairs of shoes, two of them for school.
I could blame my bad shopping habits on the American consumerism or the ability ability to get awesome deals and quickly dispose of them, that would probably not sting the pride as bad but I don't think it would help me any. The best thing to cause change is to admit one's faults isn't it?
When I read Lyddie's
post I could definitely relate to her and it hit me that I had to finish what I started. Today I got up very early for training and during my lunch hour I came home grabbed a trash bag and dumped in all of those "what ifs" clothes, shoes, etc from my closet and from the red box. After my training I stopped by Goodwill and donated them. I felt good, no more guilt after accepting that I failed...it's time to move on and I feel a certain relief about dealing with the truth instead of denying it.
This red container is where I put many "what ifs". Once I put something in there I closed it and I didn't look back. It made the cleaning process much easier. After my things were in the "red box" I knew they never belonged in my closet in the first place.
I kept the things I love, the ones that work with many things I have, regardless of whether they are in the "10 ultimate basics", if they are going to be in my closet they need to be easily put in an outfit if not they will go to the red box.
Even though I've failed at having self-control I feel like I've succeeded.
My bad habits are not "cured" though just the other day I bought a pair of boots online (at Anthropologie), even before they arrived and after much prayer I knew I had to take them back. Yes, they were an excellent deal and they could have been worn many times but they were not what I needed, a classic, black pair that can go with anything. After they arrived I still battled whether or not I would take them back, you can't imagine how much I thought about keeping those boots, I even tried reasoning why it would be a logical choice to keep them. It was painful to put the box in my car as it's always painful to take the first step for change, but once they were in the car I realized I was making the right choice and I felt good about it even though I was $20 short because of shipping. Then I stopped by Gap and tried many things on...took a deep breath and left empty handed and I feel good about that too. No impulse purchases made. ^_^
The lessons I learned from cleaning out my closet:
Prayer makes everything easier.
It's better to face the truth and move on then to keep living in guilt and denial of my failures.
It was hard to take the first step, but once I did it things were much easier.
The red box will stay in my house.
I have a problem with shopping (and it still stings to write it but I'm happier).